Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Missy Report

I know I haven't been blogging much. I haven't been reading many of my regular blogs either. Missy is on another down slide and I'm not sure there will be an up slide this time. I swear it started as soon as I said she was doing great. It was a jinx. We've had to fiddle abit with her meds and the result isn't what I had hoped. I sometimes feel like she is simply existing these days. Not the life I want for any of my dogs. Between her sleeping and eating (and the much more frequent accidents due to some incontinence) there is falling down, stumbling, whining and moments of complete disorientation. Even eating her favorite treats is done with an automatic response and none of her previous joy. If it weren't for the prednisone I'm not sure she would be eating at all. I am taking it one day at a time for now. It kills me to think I may not have many more left with her.

I am second guessing myself about the looming decision right now too. I don't want to jump the gun but don't want to make her suffer either. I've said for years the worst part of having pets is losing them. I think I want to change that to the worst part is having to make the decision to let them go. Emotion clouds our judgement. Am I really seeing the situation clearly or am I in denial and am hanging on beyond what is fair to her? I'm not sure. My family thinks she is ready to go. I am the last hold out. Are they seeing something I am not? Living with a sick dog and trying to keep life as normal as possible for the rest of us all is also draining me. I feel I am falling short, for everyone. It is truely a no win situation.

I just have no heart for much blogging right now.


Joanna said...

I am so sorry.

In terms of when the time is right, for me it comes down to the fact that dogs don't dread or fear death. They cannot anticipate recovery either, or remember what it was like to feel good. They live very much in the moment. So if I cannot keep a dog happy, comfortable, free from pain, and (importantly) free from confusion and fear, for the majority of its hours, I don't hold on. It's hard for ME to let them go; it's not hard for them to go.

I think the slow declines are the worst. You can start feeling like if today isn't much worse than yesterday, the dog is still OK. I try to step back and look at the dog compared to last month, or last year, or at her prime, and whether she's still able to be herself in the body she has today.

Again, I am so, so sorry. There is absolutely nothing worse than losing a good dog.

Mrs. Lazaro said...

It's infinitely less important to blog than to spend time with the ones you love. Take a break for as long as you need, and know that we will be keeping you & your family & Missy in our thoughts and prayers.

Amy Carlson said...

Aw, I am sorry. Such a tender time. Take care of yourself and her. Thinking of you!

Katie said...

I'd rather see them go too soon rather than too late, but "too"s are so darn subjective.

My heart goes out to you and to your family. It's never easy.